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" I know a whole lot, about nothing--
but a lilte bit, about some things "
Pikesville Squirrel
" SQUIRREL'S SONG "
Squirrels Joke
Spot
( Where
" Immaculateness and Impurities are Consummated " )
#5003,
Family Wagon, and
Squirrel
were all talking on Channel 22 the other day.
#5003
said,
I believe myself to be the Godfather on Channel 22.
Family Wagon
said,
I've got to be the only person talking Ta-Ho on the frequency.
Squirrel
said,
I absolutely have to be the most belligerent and disgusting person on 22.
So they all decided to go to the CB Channel of World Records to have
their claims verified.
#5003
went in first and came out looking deliriously happy.
It's official, I AM the Godfather.
Family Wagon
went next and emerged triumphant,
I am now officially the most talking Ta-Ho'er there is.
Sometime later,
Squirrel
comes out looking utterly confused and
says.
Who the hell is Billy Jack
?
HIT LIST of SECRET AGENT "0014" ?
1.-----Robocop
2.-----Big
Girl
Well
!Well !It seems as if "Channel 14" has come under the
"personal" protection of the "abstract and anonyous"-"0014"-.
I have "attempted" to devise a "monologue" with the same, and
to "integrate" the thoughts of-"0014"-in a
"interview".
After giving him a written "Privacy Assurance
Policy"-( SQUIRREL'S of LONDON
)-, and
telling-"0014"-that I
understood that "People's Lives Were Hanging In The Balance", he said " OK
".
FACT :
With "Secret
Oporatives"-( at least two
-ICABOD and SPRINX )-,"Surveillance Equipment"-( Spy Cam--F.B.I.-Mark 4----and Spy Radio--C.I.A.-PS-1
), " M.T.A. want-a-be and
Channel 13's "-Robocop-was "
EXTRACTED ".
UP DATE :
" Memorabilia For Sale Sign In
Highlandtown" :
Used Parts
of "Joe Gunn"-( I hope that's
an antenna )-, guide wires,
and mast pole.
When----Where----How :----- Will-"0014"-strike again
?
P.S. :
The-Squirrel-might even let you in on what-"0014"-intends to do
in the "future" but, you probably have better things to do.
The other day during "around robin" on
channel 14, someone--"Dirt ball"or"Obscure" asked about
the weather we were having.
The--"Squirrel"--said "
Well it's raining because---God is crying".
Right away--"Chain-saw"--or was it--"The
Breez"--wanted to know why God
was crying?
The--Squirrel--told her--"
Probably because of something YOU did ".
Well, well, well!!!The "darned"-Squirrel-has run "afoul" of the-F.C.C.'s-"rules and
regulations"-AGAIN!!
It
seems, at this time, the-Squirrel-is "looking"
over his shoulder and "around" corners for-Uncle Charlie's
Cousins!!
FACT :
The-Squirrel-taking a-"Golden
Screwdriver"-in hand "removed'
the top of-"Sweet
Potato's"-CB Base
Station.
Next he "grabbed" a-Vacuum Cleaner-which
he "used" to-suck-out
the-Freaking-"Foreign
Particles"!!
UP DATE :
Well every body knows that
the-Squirrel-is "not"
a-Licensed
Technician-, plus the fact that
the "dammed"-Vacuum
Cleaner-was
"not"-F.C.C.-"Type
Accepted"!!
P.S. :
Can "Arrest", "Fine", and
"Incarceration" be far behind???
The Pizza Delivery
"What's the usual tip?"-Porky Boy-growled when,-Mad
Bomber-, a Channel 14 regular
and part-time college boy, delivered his
pizza.
Well,-Bomber-replied, "This
is my first delivery, but the other guys(-Scooby Doo-,-Dirt ball-,-Crazy Dave-,and-Junk-man-) said that
if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."
"Is that so?"
grunted-Porky
Boy-. "In that case, here's
FIVE DOLLARS."
"By the way, what are you studying?"
inquired-Porky
Boy
Bomber-replied,
" Applied
Psychology "
Another Secret Agent ??--#0022---On the Move !!
Squirrel found this in "Agent-#0022" "private diary", under the heading " Great Fishing Tales ", Truth--Myth--Legend--Lies.
It seems "#0022" was trying to track down some of the " Wild and Superstitious " Rock Fish Tales on Channel 22.
After giving him a written "Privacy Assurance Policy"-
( SQUIRREL'S of Parkville )
-, and telling- "0022" - I wouldn't reveal my source ( He-He-He- I Lied ), he said " OK ".
FACT :
With the help of "Secret
Oporatives" ( Oh No !--Northeast Controller--Real Kill ) plus "Surveillance Equipment" (Under cover CB Trucks,SUV's,Vans, and Cars --- Hand held W. W. Walkie Talkies)
The Self Proclaimed " King Of Channel 22 "---" Mule Skinner " aka " Wiskey's Kangaroo Jack "
--- Was caught with his " Boat dry " and his " Fishing Rod " out of Water.
UP DATE :
" Article in the Baltimore Sun "--- Run on Rock Fish at the world's most famous Lexington Market !
Now we know the truth about one of those tales.
P.S. :
When----Where----How :-----Will "#0022" strike again ??
The-Squirrel -might let you in on what- "#0022" -intends to do in the "future" but, you probably have better things to do---
LIKE GO FISHING
" Middlesex Shopping Center
"
The-Roll
Call-at the " Coffee Break "
the other night, was the " Following " :
* Squirrel * and * Sweet Potato *
Bad Boy--said " He was
coming ! " until the--Squirrel--told him
what time it was.
Slippery
Pickle--said " He was there
earlier " and--Ms.
Chain-saw--said the same but ,
didn't see each other.
Scooby Doo--met
the--Squirrel--and--Sweet
Potato--some where
else.
FACT :
" Missing in action were "
:
* Bad Boy Jr.
*-----* Filly
*-----* Ranger
*-----* Double L
*-----* Bratt
*-----* Kzhorse
*
* Bronco
*-----* Mama Bear
*-----* Wagon Master
*-----* 357
*-----* Outlaw
*
* Pshco
*-----* Ms. Breezy
*-----* Triple 6's
*-----* K.C.
*-----* Dakota
*-----* Beaner
*
* Horney
*-----* Big Jim his Mother and
Dog *-----Bandit One
*-----* Axle
*-----* Red Lion
*
* Air Raid
*-----* Bomb Shell-ter
*-----* Cripsby Critter
*-----* Crash 2
*-----*White Rose *
* Night Stalker
*-----* H.K.
*-----* Mr. Mustard
*-----* Ace's
*-----* Adam 12
*
* Angel
*-----* Big Boy
*-----* Hot Rod
*-----* Big Dog
*-----* JR.
*
* Blue Eyes
*-----* Jailer
*-----* Boo-Boo
*-----* Junk Man
*-----* Buffalo Bob
*
* Butter But
*-----* Cat's Meow
*-----* Chopper
*-----* Crazy Dave
*-----* Crystal
*
* Dirt ball
*-----* Daydreamer
*-----* Dirty Old Man
*-----* Dudette
*-----* Girl Watcher
*
* Glamour Kitty
*-----* Green Eyes
*-----* Jackie *-----* Half Price *-----* Hawk *
* High Roller *-----* Mad Dog *-----* Moon Dog *-----* Morning Dove *-----* Night Hawk *
* Mustanger *-----* Obscure *-----* Porky Boy *-----* Robocop *-----* Red Dolphin *
* Screaming Chicken *-----* Spider *-----* Speed Demon *-----* R.J. *-----* HillBilly *
* Summer Breeze *-----* Tracker *-----* Terry 924 *-----* T.T. or Trouble *-----* Ugly One *
* Viking *-----* Wild Bill *-----* Night Owl *-----* Blue *-----* Big Daddy *
* Little Daddy *-----* Brass Pounder *-----* Eight Ball *-----* Bandit *-----* Short Dog *
* Voyager *--------* Ice Tea *--------* Ice Man *--------* Italian Doe *
* and anyone else I missed. * " Sorry ! "
UPDATE :
Where the heck was everyone ?
" Coffee Break " was " Canceled
".*** oops ***
" BIG JIM's BAR ROOM "
A drunken--Porky Boy--was
sitting in--Big
Jim's--" Saturday Night "
and--he--asked--Jim--, "
Where's the bathroom
" ?--Big Jim--said , " Go down the
hall and make a right ".
Squirrel--and--Mad Bomber--were
talking to--Philco-- , when "
suddenley " they and everyone else ( --Sweet Potato--,Breezy--,Slippery
Pickle--,Jackie--, Ranger--,Double
L--,Chainsaw--,Outlaw--,Bad
Boy--,Filly--,Bratt--,Kzhorse--,Bronco--,and
--Axle-- ) heard a " loud
scream " and wonder what the hell was going on in the bathroom. A few minutes
go by , and everyone at the bar heard another " loud scream " coming out of
the bathroom.
This time , --Big Jim--went into
the bathroom to " investigate " what--Porky Boy--was "
screaming " about. He--opened the door
and " asked " the drunken fellow , "What's all the " screaming " about in here ? You are scaring all my
customers (
--Wagon
Master--,Mama
Bear--,Buffalo
Bob--,Scooby
Doo--,Blondie--,Air
Raid--,Bomb
Shell-ter--,Crash
2--,White
Rose--,Wild
Bill-- and his " date
"--Girl
Watcher--had ran out )
away. "
Porky Boy--said , " I'm sitting on the " toilet " and every time I go to flush it , "
something ' comes up and squeezes my balls . "
With that , --Big Jim--opens the stall door and looks in and says , " No wonder, you're " sitting " on
the--Mop Bucket !
--"
Well
the "dark days" of summer are among us!!
It seems as if an "obituary" of
some sort, was passed around on Channel 22 the other
day.
FACT :
The F.C.C. is alive and well
in Baltimore.
UP DATE :
Hope no "song birds" send a
few "notes" your way.BE
COOL-----FOOL!
" BIG JIM's BAR ROOM "
Big Jim-was washing his glasses, when-The Squirrel-came in.
With great difficulty,-The
Squirrel-hoisted his bad leg
over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish
whiskey.The
Squirrel-looked down the bar
and said,"-Is that Jesus down
there?-" Big Jim-nodded, so-The
Squirrel-told him to
give-Jesus-an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to
come in was the ailing-Slippery Pickle-with
a bad back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked
for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that
was-Jesus-sitting at the end of the bar.Big Jim-nodded, so-Slippery
Pickle-said to
give-Him-a glass of Chianti, too.
The third patron
to enter the bar was-Wild
Bill-, who swaggered into the
bar and hollered, "-Big
Jim-, set me up a cold
one!-Hey, is that God's Boy
down there?-"-Big
Jim-nodded,
so-Wild
Bill-told him to
give-The Old
Boy-a cold
one.
As-Jesus-got up to
leave,-He-walked over to-The Squirrel-and touch him said "For your kindness, you are
healed!"-The Squirrel-felt the strenght come back to his leg, so he got
up and danced a jig out the door. Next-Jesus-touched
the-Slippery
Pickle-and said
"For your kindness, you are
healed!"
The-Slippery
Pickle-felt his back
straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the
door.
Jesus-walked
toward-Wild
Bill-, but-Wild Bill-jumped back and exclaimed,
" Don't touch me! I'm drawing
disability!"
 |
" Watch What You Say ? "
The bartender ( Bronco ) asks the guy ( Iceman
) sitting at the bar, "
What'll you have
? "
Iceman answers, " A scotch,
please. "
Bronco
hands him the drink, and says
" That'll be five dollars,
" to which Iceman replies, " What are
you talking about ? I don't owe you anything for this. "
FACT :
A cb. lawyer,
( Red Dolphim )
sitting nearby and overhearing
the conversation, then says to Bronco, "
You know, Iceman's got you there.
In the original offer, which constitutes a binding
contract upon acceptance. there was no stipulation of remuneration.
"
Bronco was not impressed, but says to Iceman, " Okay, you beat me
for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again. "
UP DATE :
The very
next day, Iceman
walks into the bar.
Bronco says, " What the heck are you doing in here ? I can't believe you've got the
audacity to come back! "
Iceman
says. " What are you talking about? I've never been in
this place in my life ! "
Bronco
replies, " I'm vert sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have
a DOUBLE. "
To which Iceman replies, " Thank you.
Make it a scotch. "
The-Squirrel-and-Porky
Boy-were having
a-"deliberation"-over the CB the other night.
Porky Boy-was trying real hard to get the-Squirrel-to-"consider"-his side of
things.
Squirrel-was not
"buying" any of it!!
FACT :
The-Squirrel-wasn't
"born"-yesterday-!!!
UP DATE :
Later on that
evening,-Porky
Boy-said " You had better
believe me or you're going to be-Geography-"!!!
The-Squirrel-laughed and
said, "Didn't you mean to say-History-"!!!
Porky
Boy-answered,"Don't Change
The Subject-Stupid-"!!!
SHAME ! SHAME ! SHAME !
Squirrel-was "tossing and turning" in his -large recliner-,
"listening"
to -Channel 14 on the
CB.-,
"watching"
his -Computer
Defragment-,
"rubbing"
the -Cats back-,
"scratching" his -crotch-,
"drinking"
some -Ice
Tea-,
and-Sweet Potato-had the "damn" nerve to "accuse" him of
doing -Nothing-!!
Shame! Shame! Shame!
One long and Goofy night, in the middle of the
Halloween month, Mad Dog
" unmasked " himself in front of several Ch.#14 CB'ers.
It seems " old Mad Dog ", fell off his
rocker or was it the
front stoop ? In a nightmarish fashion ,
Mad Dog " visioned " himself as the almighty King of Poop !!
Yes it true. Why with his simpleton tail in hand , and foaming at the mouth
, he was chasing CB'ers from Ch. to Ch. Dog " contemplated " that it was up to him to " decide " who was to talk.
FACT :
Never, never get into a pissing contest underhanded !! It's not about how " long " your hose is.
What matters is what " size " and how much " pressure ".
UPDATE :
" old Mad Dog " had his " teeth removed
" and now is " reduced " to licking his wounds and sucking up.
Poor " little " puppy ,----- he is such a " Snooty "!!
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" Bronco's Hideaway "
The--Squirrel--setting in--Bronco's Hideaway--next to a -- "
beautiful lady
" --,
who's-- wearing the tightest
fitting pants--he--has ever seen.
Squirrel--keeps " looking " at--her--with " wide eyes ", so--she--finally
asks,--"What's
wrong?"
Squirrel--said,
" Lady--, I hope--you--don't mind my
being too "
presumptuous
" , but I was " wondering "
, just " how "
does a person
" get " into a pair of pants
like that? "
Mamabear--" looks "
at--him--, " smiles ", and says, " You might " start "
by buying me a drink.
"
Lycos Small Business
The Copyright Minefield
By Jacqui Kramer, Contributing Author
10/5/2000 9:19:53 AM PDT
"The copyright issue is a sticky one for Web site owners and their employees, particularly contractors.
Currently in the United States, there are no laws that specifically address copyright issues in the online world.
However, the U.S. courts have ruled that existing copyright laws governing the print world can be applied to the online world."
If by mistake, I've used someone's copyright material, notify me, and I'll remove it.
All Trademarks are Recognised as belonging to Their Respective Owners
Copyright © 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, and 2007 The Lying Living Legend, All Rights Reserved.
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